I know, by far, I was not the best husband. I made mistakes. I also know that I more than made up for those mistakes many times over. As much as I apologized for my misdeeds, I was never really forgiven. Instead of being honest and upfront with me. She out-and-out lied to me for twelve years. You must understand this, I had an affair. I realized it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. When I came back home I sensed something wrong, but I never acted on that feeling. I never sat down with my wife and discussed it. She, however, did not confront me either and for the next twelve years, as I mentioned earlier, we lived together as a married couple. All the time, me, not knowing she didn’t really want me there. There was a six year stretch when I worked seventy-two hours a week (two different jobs) trying to make ends meet. Just to come home to a messy house. Our bedroom was never fully cleaned, the kitchen almost never clean, if I didn’t vacuum nobody did. I did all this under the assumption that we were getting past the bad times. We were working things out. Never once did I think things were still sour between us, I knew they weren’t perfect….. I guess it is not so much that I may have ignored some of the signs, but more that I didn’t want to see them. She stayed quietly angry at me for having the affair. Every so often she would bring it up, and I would answer her questions hoping all the while eventually, she would let it go. Basically, when you have an affair, what you are doing is telling your partner they are not adequate enough to satisfy your needs. Very wrong, very selfish way to be. When a person goes through a selfish stage like the one I went through, it is hard to trust that they won’t be that way all the time. I understood that then, I understand it now. That doesn’t excuse the fact that she decided to spin her own web of deceit. I do understand what her fears were, that if she was totally honest with me she would have lost her place in life. The only thing she really cared about, the house. So I tried to do everything I thought was in my power to show I had changed. All for nothing. She finally got up the courage to tell me she wanted a divorce. Keep in mind this was her idea not mine. I agreed to pay child support, I also agreed to pay spousal support so that she could use that money to keep up the loan(s) on the house. I am going to back-up a little. We separated in 2002, she did not sign final divorce papers until years later. This is the point I made a few mistakes. Mistakes of a different kind. Mistake number one, I trusted my soon to be ex. Even before we were officially divorced she made me pay her money, to the tune of, $638 a month, to either her directly or to the mortgage. I paid her directly ten different times over a two year period for a grand total of $6,380, none of which counts legally because I never made her sign a receipt. The rest of the times I paid the mortgage company, I did not keep those receipts either. By the way, the reason I paid that money, she would not let me see my son if I did not. Can you say extortion? Too bad I did not keep proof of these payments or get anything in writing. Someone might be in jail now, extortion is against the law. The afore mentioned house, the reason I agreed to spousal support in the first place. No longer in the picture. She kept collecting the money but stopped paying on the first loan in January of 2010, the second loan she stopped paying in December of 2009. As far as I am concerned she has been collecting money under false pretenses for well over a year now. I call that stealing but, thats just me. I should mention that I never knew she wasn’t paying the loans. They moved out of the house in May of 2010, and I finally found out in August. By then the loans (that were still in my name) had to be defaulted on. Let me say here that the last phone conversation we had was in June of 2009, she told me she re-fied the house in her name, and that her new payments were to start shortly. I had no intention of revising the divorce agreement. I thought it would help her with her new loans for a little while. Stupid me! I found out one day when needing to pick up my son (who by this time is 18), I was going to have to do so at the new residence. Another thing that has bothered me, my son kept that information from me for three months. Times when I was getting together with my kids my daughter would pick him up. There was a couple of times when this was not totally convenient for her. Even though I thought it kind of funny he did not want me to come across town to get him. After finding out about the deception I was deeply hurt, but what was I to say he is my son and I love him dearly. Mistake number two. When we signed the divorce papers I agreed to pay certain amounts. After losing the highest paying job I ever had. I am still liable for those amounts. They were agreed to in a document that we presented to the judge. Those amounts stuck and since I was not able to keep paying those amounts, I now find myself in arrears. Arrears I would not be paying if I had kept receipts of every thing I paid to her, or the mortgage company. do not agree to amounts agree to percentages. If you have to involve lawyers do so. Mistake number three least critical of all, but still important, not filing for a new hearing when I lost my higher paying job. In conclusion the morals to the story. for me: Watch your morals, keep them in check. For my ex: Trust not the hand you have bitten. This is just one finger.