So, what is it about instructions that seem to scare the livin’ hell out of us? or Do we think we are just too good to read them. Ok, so, you bought your child a tricycle for Christmas. You pull the parts out of the box, and proceed to put it together. Your wife asks if you have read the instructions. You simply reply, “no, hon the bike has seven parts. The frame, the seat, front wheel, two back wheels, handle bars, and a bag of nuts and bolts”. As you finish putting everything together and you feel you did a bang-up job. [You even put in the little streamers that come out of the handlebars). (pretty)]. You are darn proud, until your wife proceeds to point out that you forgot to put on the peddles. Gee….maybe that’s what the extra nuts and bolts are for. Alright, alright, so you didn’t forget the peddles. Too noticeable, I will give you that one. Maybe you screwed up where the decals go (suggestions are in the instructions) and now your daughter thinks it looks stupid. Maybe you actually got that one right. What about something more complicated. Say for instance, one of those prefabricated entertainment centers. No, no, no, not one of those cheap pressed wood pieces of crap that you get from a second-rate department store. I am talking about a real live center made from real wood. The kind so heavy it took two of you to put it in the car. You got the lifting part right, you didn’t need instructions on how to open the box. So why does it take a solid thirty to forty minutes to realize you have confused the top with the sides. The top is six feet long the bottom is five feet, ten inches and the sides are five feet. No problem you have your handy power screw driver this will just take a minute. WRONG!! You didn’t read the instructions. Your power driver needs re-charging every so often. Now you are using a manual screw driver. I know some of the instructions you get in some cases are vague. Some of the little steps are left out. That is due to the fact they are actually allowing for a certain amount of logic on your part, silly them. Let’s move on why don’t we regress back to more simple things. Such as, “honey the VCR isn’t working my movie isn’t coming on”. “Did you push the power button?” “Hey imagine that, thanks.” A good one, the backyard grill. I am guessing the singed hair on your eyebrows is telling me that you didn’t read the part about only turning on one gas valve when lighting. Is that smoke coming out of your head because you failed to read the instructions that tell you not to plug in your hair dryer with wet hands, or while standing on a wet floor. Another classic, going into a kitchen through a closed door. It is common sense, when there are double doors, to stay to the right. Either way most places I have worked the doors are marked IN and OUT. Wow imagine that. The worst accident I have ever seen: waiter one, carrying a tray full of salads, thirteen to be exact. Waiter two taking a short cut goes in through the out door (notice the Led Zeppelin reference there) and the salads end up in a customers lap. Did you read the part about taking all the pins out before putting on the new shirt. Probably where that stabbing pain in your neck is coming from. That obnoxious sound is the alarm that sounded when you opened the door that stated, right on the handle mind you, DO NOT OPEN, ALARM WILL SOUND. You may want to go to the tire shop if you decide to skip reading the part about severe tire damage, do not enter. Oh and please remember it is push down AND turn to open the bottle. Even simpler? How about this: now that your coffee pot has exploded all over the kitchen you will heed the warning about not leaving an empty pot on a hot burner. The T.V. remote, I know a lot of buttons, right? You mainly need to remember the most important ones. The one that turns on the TV, and the one that turns on the cable box. I heard my mom get frustrated once because her TV wasn’t working. A few minutes later, I started watching TV with no problem. I politely refrained when she ranted about her satellite dish. Speaking of the TV, if you have a DVD player and a VCR you probably need to switch them over from time to time. (HINT) All those wires are color coded. I know these aren’t written instructions. Some of this is-plane as the nose on your face-common sense. For example: Common sense tells you that you really should have read the instructions on the bottle of bleach more carefully. It is cap-full not cup-full. No wonder doing laundry gives you a headache. Laundry, laundry, laundry, OH YEAH IRONING, why are you ironing a shirt that says wrinkle free? I am going to conclude this rant here, because I am starting to get into the realm of common sense. I do have a whole other page on that one. Please remember the following: Take a minute, uhh for some of you maybe two, and read the instructions. on is on, off is off, but neither one works if you don’t plug it in.