With the holidays upon us, it can be a very confusing yes even lonely, time. The mood is supposed to be festive and full of thanks. It is hard for some of us, to deal with all the festivities. It may be in our souls, but it is not in our hearts. Or… Vice-a-versa. Anyway, and it maybe not be all of us, but at least most of us, feel we do not want to bring any one else down. This is why, for the most parts, we keep it to ourselves. There are times however, when it gets hard to keep the pains from surfacing. I know when you have plenty to be thankful for, (I for instance have three great kids that I love very much, and two lovely granddaughters that will bring me much joy for years to come, this I know). Some of us have a lot of good in our lives, and as much as we try to focus on those good things, it doesn’t always seem to work. I know it is hard for others to imagine that those pains can even exist. How can we be so selfish, that we do not see the wonderful things before us. My only answer to that one is simple. We usually feel we have been brushed aside by those that we want, yes maybe even need to feel comfort from. This makes it seem to most of us, that we are dealing with it alone. You look around and it appears that there is no one to listen and care. As there is a side of me that is thankful for what I have. There is the side of me that is frustrated and angry. Part of the frustration stems from a female type person out there that is stealing money off my check every payday. Even though the court says it is legal it definitely is not moral, in any way shape or form. Therefore this creates a side of me that I battle with everyday. A side that it isn’t always easy to control. Everyday I fight with the need to let my anger out. Let my frustrations fly. A part of me thinks that I should announce my feelings , and maybe they will soon go away. I don’t really know if that would do the trick, probably not. In the meantime, it is possible you have alienated friends and/or co-workers. All for what may very well be only a temporary fix. I am pretty sure, since I do not want to hurt any body else’s feelings that I won’t let it happen, I will keep hiding my true self. Just for when my emotions do get the better of me and I post something that fully expresses my frustrations and anger, and yes maybe even my impatience. Then I hope the people who I wish to surround myself with realize, it is just a temporary feeling, and I feel the need to extinguish it by writing about it.