This is a confession/apology of sorts. I had come to realize (quite a long time ago), that all the things that happen to me/us are more or less related to something I/we did or did not get right. I am a firm believer in the adage(?). For every action we commit, or in some cases don’t commit, that there is a reaction. It is actually stated “for every positive action one commits there is a negative reaction somewhere.” For instance if you build a dam on a river to create a better reservoir for your land. You have now taken the water away from some one else down stream. It is in my opinion that there is a lesson in there about being careful how you handle things. Just because something is a positive for you, does not mean it is a good idea. Every action has a reaction that may or may not be positive.One needs to take into account all adverse affects of there actions before going ahead with whatever one is planning. Especially when it comes to what will be a life changing situation. If you go into a situation half cocked you are liable to create bad vibes. You may even hurt someone’s feelings along the way. So you need to be thoughtful and careful. There have been times when I was neither. So here goes my confession. I was not the best husband in the world. There were many times when I would rather spend the night shooting pool and drinking with the boys after work than go home to my wife. The thing is I never really wanted to get married. Now in my defense I did not realize how deep the waters were before I jumped in. We were going to have a baby and I was excited about that. I figured marriage was all apart of being a dad. I thought it was the responsible thing to do. I was wrong. I had taken a heart that trusted in me and hurt it because I was not ready for a full commitment. I love my children, I always have. The idea of being a father has always been amazing for me. However, the idea of being a husband was never anything I gave a lot of thought to. Yes, there were times when I loved being married, family vacations, and holidays were fantastic. Although as far as everyday life was concerned, not so much. So to my now ex-wife I feel I should apologize. I wholeheartedly believe I am here, in this life to be honest. I know we are all supposed to be honest. What I mean is I am meant to be the slap you in the face, wake you up to smell the coffee, kind of honest. The brutal honesty that we all need once in a while. I am not in this world to baby you, coddle you. I am here to motivate you into giving your life more thought. Anyhow, back to my point. I was not honest with her, or myself for that matter. So, because I got away from my real purpose, I was punished emotionally for my misdeeds. I was not allowed to have a meaningful relationship. As for my indiscretion, revenge is a dish best not served at all, cold or otherwise.*
The last relationship I tried to have, is in keeping with the title of today’s blog. I tried to force a round peg into a square whole, so to speak. Deep down I knew it was never really going to be what I wanted it to be. Yet I kept plugging away at it. It dawned on me that possibly it was due to the fact that I did not deserve a good relationship. At least not until I actually discovered my own truths. Fessed up to what my mistakes were and how I need to better myself.
I do feel I have earned back the right for a real relationship. I have done so in confessing my sins. Realizing the error of my ways, and getting back to being the man I am supposed to be. I would also like to announce that I am sure I have found that someone. I believe her, not only to be very special, but I feel she is my destiny.
*footnote: Where as mine was not the first infidelity in the relationship. Revenge was just an excuse for my own selfishness, which in turn was my own worst enemy.
Disclaimer: There must come a time when honesty has to play a part in every life. It should always be from the beginning, however, sometimes we do not see the forest through the trees. It may be that we really do not want to. A round peg will never fit into a square hole, and if things just aren’t right, it is not good to linger. It is not really fair to either party involved.
I wish you all a nice day hopefully I will see you on the radio blogtalkradio/Ramblinman